Please Collect Your $1M or Go To Jail, Dear

These stupid emails from Africa are getting more and more dumb.  My favorites from the past month:

AGENTRONALD at FBI.gov writes

ATTENTION DEAR THIS IS THE FINAL WARNING YOU ARE GOING TO RECIEVE FROM ME DO YOU GET ME???? I HOPE YOU’RE UNDERSTAND HOW MANY TIMES THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN SENT TO YOU?
GET BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY.

I don't really get him at all.  I'm not understand how many times this message has come.  But my "favorite" of all time is this threat of arrest, conviction and imprisonment directly from the grammatically and syntaxly challenged US FBI Director, Robert S. Mueller III.  Being the VICTIM of a crime is now a crime.

From: Federal Bureau of Investigation
Dept: Anti-Terrorist & Monetary Crimes Division
Office: Washington, D.C. Headquarters
Address: J. Edgar Hoover Building 93 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001
Date: 1/21/2011

Important: Our agents will visit you for arrest within 24 hours if you fail to comply fully with the below instructions.Contact the payment center below and ask how you are to get your clearance documents
This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the United Nations, Central Bank of Nigeria and World Bank officials have agreed to compensate them with the sum of $1MILLION US Dollars each victim.

We found your name in our list as one of the beneficiaries and that is why we are contacting you, this has been agreed upon and has been signed. This also indicate that the Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Transfer (DIST) often referred to as a criminal history record or rap sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment, naturalization, or military service. This condition is valid until 3 days after which the funds shall be confiscated and legal action will be taken against you.
Guarantee: funds will be released to you immediately after you have acquired the CLEARANCE document immediately within 24 hours.  We have confirmed that the amount required to procure your document which is called the CLEARANCE DOCUMENTS will cost you a total of $200USD only and the fee should be paid directly to the payment office in Nigeria via Western Union Money Transfer. Below, are the contact details of the payment office in Nigeria who will process your transaction....
Contact Information;
Once you have sent the required information to Mrs.Farida Waziri she will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of $200USD only for the procurement of your CLEARANCE DOCUMENTS, to enable his expedite action on the processing and release of your payment without any further delay.
You have hereby been authorized /guaranteed by the federal bureau of investigation to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be no delay once payment for the (DIST) document has been made to the authorized agent.
WARNING: failure to provide the above requirement in the next 72 hours, legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you as soon as international court of justice issues a warrant of arrest, if you are found guilty, you will be jailed....... As terrorism, drug trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today and the world at large. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracking down and prosecuting any criminal who indulges in this criminal act. FORWARD THE DOCUMENT TO US VIA EMAIL ATTACHMENT AS SOON AS YOU OBTAIN IT. No body is above the law and the law is not a respecter of anybody. We presumed you are law abiding citizen whom would not want have scuffles with the authority, in and outside America.

Regards,
Federal Bureau Investigation.
Robert S. Mueller III,
FBI, Director.