The Royal Face

I'm a little late with this topic. Prince William married Kate Middleton on April 29. The media has had time to digest the new couple and the potential future queen of Great Britian. I've also had time to let it percolate in my brain. This is what I've come up with.

I admit Kate is kind of cute in that british way. In fact, I think that one day she may be the prettiest woman to ever ascend the throne in Buckingham Palace. Not that she will be the most beautiful woman to  sit as a reigning queen. There is serious competition in Spain with Queen Letizia and Raina in Jordan. But I think Kate may have a shot at being the most beautiful woman to ever sit on England's throne - that wasn't on Henry VIII's lap.

And yes, I know the difference between a queen consort and a queen regent, but I don't have the time, resources, or ambition to look at all the queen consorts. Henry VIII's consorts alone would take more space than Blogger allows.

So, let's look at the record of the Queen Regents:


Matilda



There is Matilda back in 1102.  She could be a dark horse because we don't know what she looked like. Or she could have just looked like a horse. We don't know. Realistic artistic likenesses and representations were not exactly advanced in those days. Or maybe vague likenesses were a much safer way to please your sponsor. Executions could be particular painful experiences.   

  



Queen Jane

Lady Jane Grey may have a shot. Though her claim as an actual queen is disputed by some today. In fact, they disputed it way back in her day. That's why she only sat on the throne for nine days. Lady Jane was executed when she was only 16. Mary I had her beheaded. Jane is a tragic figure. Her family had a claim on the throne and they wanted it back. Enduring a long cold winter sitting around with your servants in a drafty Great Hall appears to inspire ambition to sit around in an even bigger Great Hall with more servants. So Jane was used as a pawn to restore the crown to the Grey side of the family. Jane didn't appear to share these aspirations. But her parents made her. If you saw the movie you know that parents didn't take "no" for an answer in those days. Was Jane cute? Maybe - she was very young. Lady Jane was played by a young Helena Bonham Carter in the movie. So she may have been somewhat cute. This was before the Tim Burton influence; on Helena that is, not Jane. But I digress.

 

Bloody Mary

 Mary I. If you are known to history as Bloody Mary, you might have issues. In Mary's case it was protestants. Mary hated them. Protestants in those days were like mormons and jehovah witnesses today. Mary burned hundreds of protestants at the stake. The reason she didn't burn thousands of them is because she only lived 5 years after ascending the throne. So scheduling issues were a big factor in the number of public burnings at the stake. Mary was the one who put her cousin, Lady Jane, to the executioner's axe. So, yeah, she had a cruel streak. But was she a cutie? Nah, don't think so. But she did inspire a popular alcoholic drink.

Elizabeth I

The 3rd woman in a row to sit on the Throne of England, sat there a long, long time.  Elizabeth I was a super impressive monarch. History marks her as the real architect of the global British Empire on which "the sun never sets." Do we really have to analyze Elizabeth's looks? We've seen how she is played by Cate Blanchett in those boring movies. I can imagine the makeup people sitting around, looking at Cate and exclaiming, "Dang it! Cate is still too pretty to play Elizabeth! Get more sandpaper!"



Queen Mary II

Mary II ruled with her husband, William from 1689 to 1694. Then she died and he ruled alone. Their most remembered contribution to American society is The College of William and Mary. William and Mary was the first school to install an honor code for it's students, and not Brigham Young (like people who follow college basketball think). Mary has that continent look about her. No not incontenence, continent, as in european continent; she looks more french or german. And sadly, she wasn't even the pretty sister. That was Anne. 

Queen Anne

Anne. Younger sister of Mary II.
Heretofore, I have called them the British Monarchs. Technically, Anne was the first British monarch. This is Kate's competition. From her portrait she has a look that possibly could be quite attractive. But Anne's life was a sad one. By 1700, Anne had been pregnant at least eighteen times; thirteen times, she miscarried or gave birth to stillborn children. Of the remaining five children, four died before reaching the age of two years. Anne's sole surviving child, William, Duke of Gloucester, died at the age of eleven on 29 July 1700.

Victoria age 25

 Victoria ruled from 1837-1901 People were born, lived full lives and died with Victoria still on the throne. She reigned over the empire for so long that they named an era after her. She was truly a global monarch. The sun never set on Bristish holdings around the world. People may talk about Victorian attitudes about sex, but she was promiscious enough to have 9 children. Though they were all by just one husband, Albert, so maybe that is different from today. Albert's affections aside, Victoria was not really a looker.

Elizabeth II

Elizabeth II. William's grandmother and current Queen. She is the 40th monarch from William the Conqueror to sit on the throne of England. Elizabeth is coming up on her diamond jubilee in 2012. Speaking of diamonds, she likes the bling, bling. Her jewelry collection is famous. Kate wore Elizabeth's Cartier 'halo' tiara for the wedding ceremony. 

Elizabeth is in her 80's. So, not to be morbid here, but the time is growing shorter until we see if Charles or William will succeed; Camilla or Kate.

Kate Middleton